Vingt Jours

matisse 10Funerals done (we did two in two locations), I am hoping March is kinder to me than February was.

I always hate February, this February challenged me in unusual ways.  More intensely bad, also more intensely sweet.

You think I like intensity, I do, still, it was a lot for even me.  Flying across half the country tomorrow.  Again.

Something beautiful:

The quality of mercy is not strained;

It droppeth as the gentle rain from heaven

Upon the place beneath. It is twice blest;

It blesseth him that gives and him that takes:

‘T is mightiest in the mightiest; it becomes

The throned monarch better than his crown:

His sceptre shows the force of temporal power,

The attribute to awe and majesty,

Wherein doth sit the dread and fear of kings;

But mercy is above this sceptred sway;

It is enthronèd in the hearts of kings,

It is an attribute to God himself;

And earthly power doth then show likest God’s

When mercy seasons justice.

Merchant of Venice, your man Shakespeare, of course.


23 Days

matisse 10

Tomorrow I’m flying back for a funeral, so I might forget you again.  Or I might not.  Maybe I’ll have a deep spiritual thought at Penn Station while I’m waiting for the train.

Today was another Shakespeare day, and having his words in the room with me feels as good as my humidifier, this time of year, or a jacuzzi, or going in a greenhouse in the middle of stupid winter, “we few, we happy few.”

Deep spiritual thought:

I would think “winter” when Epictetus says “those” and “they.”

Do you think that anybody can damage your soul?  Then why are you embarrassed?  I laugh at those who think they can damage me.  They do not know who I am, they do not know what I think, they cannot even touch the things which are really mine and with which I live.



I’m just leaning so heavily on SNL, it’s embarrassing, but I don’t care.

25 Days

matisse 10I started this plan while on a long walk in January.  Seventy-seven days is a lot.  What was I thinking?

Well.  And flying back and forth across half our great nation as I will this week.

So I’m giving you a couple charming videos:

“Is the moon eating the sun?”

Unfrozen Caveman brought to you by Dog Assassin

“Smoke Yourself Thin”

Deep spiritual thought:

The future is only an illusion inferred from our present state.  What is important is not the length of life, but the depth of life.  What is most important is not to make life longer, but to take your soul out of time, as every sublime act does.  Only then does your life become fulfilled.  And do not ask yourself questions about time.  Jesus did not explain a thing about the eternity of life, but his influence brought people to the eternal.

-Ralph Waldo Emerson

28 Days

Hi from hospice. My grandma’s working on dying today. This hospice place is great, my family is great, we’re eating, ljesus wildernessaughing, singing, getting each other coffee.

So it’s good. I feel lucky to be here. A little snow. Lots of good company.

Hospice is great because there are no emergencies. Someone is dying? Yeah, we know, it’s cool.

So you’re gonna be okay, too.

Thanks for thinking of us.

29 Days and I’m Pulling the Plug (Death Humor for Ash Wednesday)

jesus wildernessI told you I would likely forget you yesterday, and I did, as a man rained glitter down on us, as we krewed up and krewed down, as the layers combined made snow a nonissue, as I lost my full ribbon hem somewhere, as I ate warm red beans and rice in my dear friend’s dining room, as we danced until my feet hurt.

Sorry about that.

I give you something so amazing you’ll forget you ever missed me.

Here we go.

I love men in suits.  I love Kermit the Frog.

Do you like male backup singers with honest moustaches?

Do you like it when a man thoughtfully tosses his trenchcoat over his shoulder and goes for an urban walk?

Do you like Busby-Berkley-style set pieces?

Hell yes, you do.

A frog?  Behind a desk?  Doing office work?

My sisters and I had this record, and we loved it, but I had never seen the video, so Happy Ash Wednesday to me, indeed.


33 Days

jesus wilderness

Oh, we’re getting somewhere now.  Now we are cooking with gas.  Although it is (apparently) freaky cold outside, I am inside, with my TV shows, my books, my Legos, my cat, my nice warm grits with lots of butter and salt, my Mardi Gras glitter mess.

My bird feeder fell four stories.  I do not expect to find its body.  But I set some birdseed on my windowsill, and it looks as if the adorable teeny pencil sketch birds I saw earlier have revisited 4L back bedroom windowsill and had luncheon.

Something beautiful:

An earlier version of “I Could Have Danced All Night”:

I could dance, dance, dance, and be fresher after,

I could dance away numberless suns,

To no weariness let my knees bend.

Earth I could brave with laughter,

Having such wonderful girls here to friend.

-Aristophanes, Lysistrata


Oh, the classic, I have been singing it to myself every half hour since remeeting it.

King Tut

34 Days

jesus wildernessHow did I arrive at this number?  What was I thinking?  Is there an echo in here?

I left you for a day, covered you on facebook, and then I left you for another day, why, because I trust you.  You’re fine.  Right?  Fine-ish?  I would not leave you bitter people alone on Valentine’s Day, though.  Never.


Today I was walking from church to coffee, and a guy was holding his phone up, standing just outside his apartment.  “Hey, look!   I know you don’t get to see snow very often anymore, so here you go!”

Something beautiful:

I went to see this yesterday.  One of my favorite things is absolute silence in Manhattan.  It happens in church, at the theater, at the symphony, at the piano bar when they ask very nicely for everyone to be quiet.  It actually does.

It is an amazing related experience to be alone in Manhattan, completely alone in a room in Manhattan.  This happens to me at school every once in a while.  It makes you wonder if you are a ghost.  Great and strange.  Everyone was completely, deadly, held-in-the-hands-of the-actor silent at the a tight point in this show, and it was breathtaking.  It was a rowdy crowd, this is a loud and rowdy and audience-participation show, and still they were, reminding me why and how theater is special.

Extra thoughts for no extra charge:

  • There are a couple people who sit on the floor of the basement of the Belasco Theater who maybe work there?  They play with their phones and read books.  I don’t know what they are doing there.
  • Sorry to everyone I climbed over to go pee, I had no idea there wasn’t an intermission, and I could not hold it
  • I happened to see John Cameron Mitchell in a leg brace.  He was recently injured and I guess the show must go on.  There was another show I saw with a big deal star who forgot half her lines.  Perhaps I am becoming the Saw The Odd Night girl.