I mention to the barista that I have to go back to school tomorrow.
“I used to work at a school. First I was a preschool teacher, and then I was a janitor. I found whole apples stuck in the toilets.”
Thus the summer came to an end.
I chose Hawaiian coffee, because the sound of goofy fake Hawaiian music relaxes me on a level deeper than consciousness.
What to do on this special day? The very special lastest of lastest days of summer?
Evaluate.
I would have to say it was one of my best summers ever. Yes, I continued to struggle with my panic stuff, and I hated that, but I also really enjoyed parking myself in Kansas City. The city is more vibrant than it’s been in my lifetime. During the school year, it’s hard for me to enjoy it.
I also felt great about my planning this summer. I planned hard in the last week of school, when we were all just praying for time to pass, and kids were pretending to do something, and I was pretending not to notice that they were not really doing anything. I googled hard: classes, events, shows. I set a busy table for myself. And I prepaid for a lot of stuff. Thus I had to go.
Special thanks this summer to the benefactor who handed me some cash and said, “Just a little something for you,” because I also spent the entire summer not worrying about money. I did what I wanted to do, without thinking of money.
I’m not broke, but I do think about money.
Let’s evaluate the summer on these criteria:
-joy
-connecting with others
-learning
-surprise/confusion (in a good way)
1. Atlas 9: I laughed and screamed with delight. I said, “Ooh!” over and over. I was popping with happiness that this huge, beautiful weirdness existed so close to my home.
joy: 10/10. There was a musical and dance moment my heart exploded, and people with me also exploded similarly.
connecting: 7/10, like it was nice to go with people, but it isn’t a bonding experience, exactly
learning: 6/0. I did think about how I could make and build things, but the learning part of the story is way over my head still.learning: 6/0. I did think about how I could make and build things, but the learning part of the story is way over my head still.
surprise/confusion: 10/10. What was that? What was any of it?
2. Art Course, Nelson-Atkins: took my dad for Father’s Day. I began pretty anxious, lunching at Winstead’s (also scored three Winstead’s meals this summer, a goodly number), but once we were playing, I was cool.
joy: 6/0. It’s lovely, it’s just that I’ve done it before, and that cool spiral/dragon hole is gone now.
connecting: 10/10. I’ve played mini golf with my dad and sisters forever. It felt good.
learning: 2/10. I mean, it was just golf.
surprise/confusion: 2/10. More like the same old, in a nice way.
3. Kansas City Museum: we saw the bottom floor about the building’s history, the top floors of Kansas City history and native history, and played a game of pool in the basement. Well, we played for 15 minutes.
joy: 7/10. I dressed up a bit to go to a fancy place with people I love. I love to adventure with them, too, and since we didn’t go out of town, it was great to go to a place that was new to us.
connecting: 8/10. My niece played her first game of pool in the extremely fancy billiards room. I also bought a plastic bottle of apple juice to prove to her it didn’t make the “chomp” sound, as Tik Tok had suggested. I guess because I’m a spoilsport. Considering making it into a Christmas ornament for her. I also pushed Kansas City jazz on her pretty hard. WHAT ARE THE FOUR CRADLES OF JAZZ (nothing else matters to me)
learning: 8/10. I especially liked exhibits about a black neighborhood I wasn’t familiar with, and the display that helped you figure out where different people could live at different times in Kansas City’s history. People of Mexican heritage, and Jews, and people who were Italian or black couldn’t live just anywhere.
surprise/confusion: 6/10. There were some cool sculptures, like the deer one I took my photo in front of.
4. Rabbit Hole: was this the summer of the best of Kansas City or what? I loved Rabbit Hole possibly more than I thought I would. I love books. I love pictures. I love installation art. The Rabbit Hole was built for me.
joy: 10/10. I was losing it in there, man. I coulda peed.
connecting: 10/10. I loved being with other people enjoying the same stuff, looking at or climbing on something and being like, “whoa, that was awesome!” together
learning: 7/10. Learned about some new children’s books for the purposes of going there. Reminded myself I wanted to use more children’s books in my teaching again.
surprise/confusion: 10. I didn’t know what the fuck was going on!
5. Andre’s: my first meal back there since my aunt died. We often went there with her.
joy: 8/10. It’s my favorite lunch in town. Carrot salad! God yes!
connecting: 10/10. We went for my sister’s birthday. My mom and my sisters, ladies-who-lunching-it-up. All our inside jokes and shortcuts and rhythms. Yeah!
learning: 2/10. I didn’t learn anything. Which was fine.
surprise/confusion: 0/10. But in a good way. Andre’s is still Andre’s-ing exactly as it should.
6. Lawrence: it felt like my first time back since the pandemic, and since my friend I met there died.
joy: 6/10. Lawrence has much joy, but also I was processing tough memories.
connecting: 7/10. Connecting more with myself, and mourning some.
learning: 3/10. A few new shops.
surprise/confusion: 4/10. I was pleasantly surprised by how much I still love that old town.
7. Abilene: took my dad to the Eisenhower Presidential Museum. We both love history
joy: 6/10. Joy was from taking in Eisenhower’s humility and goodness, and seeing my dad with his ice cream afterward.
connecting: 9/10. Solid father-daughter time. He told some spicy stories. I tried to tell one back, but mine was lamer.
learning: 8/10. Knew a lot about Eisenhower already, but learned about the floating sort of portable dock system they used for D-Day. Crazy!
surprise/confusion:0/10. I had a panic attack, which was awful, awful, awful. But I haven’t had another.
8. Jon Batiste: I wouldn’t have gone, but my mom and sister wanted to go, so we went. I’ve never seen an artist so intent on connecting with and raising joy with an audience.
joy: 10/10. I teared up a couple of times.
connecting: 10/10. Ran into quite a few friends who were also there, and felt so connected with the crowd, so much beautiful energy.
learning: 4/10. I mean, I learned more about how awesome Jon Batiste is.
surprise/confusion: 8/10. He played a lot of standards, and I enjoyed them a lot. I realized the concert wasn’t a commercial for an album (not that concerts shouldn’t be!), but truly an offering of his. My panic was rough leading up to the show. I had had a panic attack right before a show at the same venue, and hadn’t cleansed it with another visit. Waiting for the show was a bit rough (waiting is always what gets me), but I made it, and it was so worth it.
9. Mosaic: I made mosiacs during pandemic, and wanted to make another one for my bathroom, to match the colors it is now.
joy: 7/10. I like mosaicing. It’s fast, aesthetically, and then slow, chill assembly. I actually tried several designs, and wasn’t the least bit frustrated by dumping the whole thing and starting over.
connecting: 4/10. I mean, I felt more connected with myself.
learning: 4/10. Looked up some designs. But I’ve done it quite a bit in the past.
surprise/confusion: 3/10. You always need more tiles than you think. It actually gets expensive.
10. art sessions at the Kemper Museum of Contemporary Art: one led by an artist, who led us to collage. The other, just an open maker night, with music.
joy: 10/10. Especially the second session, I felt genuinely high on creating and flitting about.
connecting: 8/10. With my artistic side. A bit with other artists.
learning: 8/10. I got to do some tin-embossing and some printmaking I hadn’t done before.
surprise/confusion: 9/10. Quietly vibrant the second session. I felt bad I hadn’t taken anyone with me to enjoy, but I loved being free and not having to talk to anyone.
11. History tours: I did one in Westport, and one in Brookside. One of the oldest parts of Kansas City, and a part built in the early 20th century.
joy: 7/10. Let’s bring the ghosts to life!
connecting: 10/10. I like history. It makes me feel less lonely, as a human who is mortal.
learning: 10/10. Lots of stories I’d never heard, about a kidnapping in the 1920s, about a forgotten graveyard.
surprise/confusion: 7/10. I knew some stuff. But I got some more info.
12. Commedia del Arte class: signed up for this because it sounded kinda scary, to have to perform.
joy: 8/10. Doing stuff that makes you nervous (not panicky, haha) is invigorating.
connecting: 5/10. Connected a lot of my goofy teacher vibe with clowning as a thing. Reflected on how other people had “performer” personalities, and quickly bonded, but I do not have a performer personality. Spoiler alert, I’m a writer.
learning: 10/10. I have never done anything like that training in postures and ways of movement for a performance purpose. For exercise, yes, but not for performance.
surprise/confusion: 8/10. I brought a notebook. We didn’t take notes. That’s what nerds do.
13. Atchison: visiting my ancestral homeland, sorta.
joy: 8/10. The guy at the historical society immediately recognized our name, and told us he had sold our family farm. We found our name on a very old map of the area. I stuffed family history knowledge toward my niece’s head.
connecting: 10/10. Really wanted to update and maintain our ties to our ancestors. Kissed my great-grandparents’ grave. Said hi to my problematic grandpa. Pulled some weeds.
learning: 3/10. I’ve been to the historical society before, and done a lot of family research.
surprise/confusion: 7/10. I was concerned about panic at our lunch (lunch is my kryptonite), but I was totally fine. So I was surprised in a good way.
14. Irish dance workout: signed up for this, and persuaded my mom to join me. A lot of our activities are large group, and I wanted to do something with just the two of us. We can make it if we try.
joy: 7/10. We did make it, doing new steps to Irish tunes (mostly). But also we sweated gallons, and I felt a little sick.
connecting: 5/10. I thought about how when I pretend to Irish dance, I stand on one leg and kick the other around. That’s legit Irish stuff there. Let me be honest: I am not very Irish.
learning: 5/10. Thought about how the movements were like and unlike ballet, and other dance I’ve done.
surprise/confusion: 3/10. It was a strenuous workout for me. I was wanting to pause, but not wanting the teachers to be aware I was weak and useless.
15. FIFA Fanfest: went over with two friends on a night a relatively insignificant game was on. We live less than a mile from the spot, so we drove a bit, then walked.
joy: 10/10. Seeing people from other places so happy and relaxed was great. Even better was the silent disco, where we danced so hard with people of all ages and kinds. I sweated off about 15 pounds.
connecting: 10/10. People from all over! Especially people who looked to be from Spanish-speaking places having so much fun in a time they have been in so much danger.
learning: 2/10. Not sure I learned anything. Soccer is still so boring. I’m sorry.
surprise/confusion: 4/10. Thought I would like silent disco. I LOVE SILENT DISCO!
16. Theater: “The Wiz,” “Oklahoma!”, “How to Succeed in Business” (half of it anyway), a magic show through Fringe Fest, a one-man show about traumatic brain injury
joy: 7/10. “Wiz” was pretty joyful. The others weren’t, particularly.
connecting: 10/10. I enjoyed being with the people I was with. I liked being with an audience and feeling connected to them, too.
learning: 4/10. I hadn’t seen “How to Succeed” before, so that was very educational. It won a Pulitzer?!? I loved the set and costumes and choreography, but the show might work better if it were set in a different time, place, or otherwise messed with.
surprise/confusion: 2/10. I like theater. But none of this summer’s theater was particularly mind-blowing.
17. Float trip. We didn’t actually float, as the river was too high, but we drove south and did get into the Meramec River.
joy: 10/10. When I dubbed that rock “Mermaid Island,” and we each swam out to it to get our photo taken, the fact that all the photos were blurry just enhances the sense that YOU HAD TO BE THERE, MAN.
connecting: 10/10. Really lovely music, singing, and playing Mexican train dominoes
learning: 3/10. I’ve already learned some history down there. I didn’t learn much more. Which was fine.
surprise/confusion: 5/10. I was surprised our wine flights at the winery were so cheap, and so good!
To wrap up what is mostly a list for myself, I spent a ton of time with various aunts, uncles, and cousins, and nieces and nephews. That was wonderful.
I’m also just going to note here that I went swimming 12 times. Three times in a river or lake. I love being in the water so much.
And a final note: our fireworks on the Fourth were the best ever. Happy Lamps! King of Parachute Men!
Going On 