58

To be perfectly honest, the hardest part of this is checking back to see which day we are on.

Hello, 58.  What’s a number like you doing in a place like this?

Anecdote:

On the subway, guy suddenly goes, “Yeah!” and jumps a little out of his seat, throwing his umbrella on the floor.  He has a huge gap between his teeth.  There are four others of us in the car.  “The game.  Sorry,” he says, smiling more.  He picks  up his umbrella and puts it on the seat next to him.

Humor:

This is possibly my favorite Onion piece.

This aint bad, either, I just found it.

Check-in:

You warm enough?  Good.