November 4

Everything else up here is carefully revised and not just off the cuff… because I value your time, dear reader…however, today requires two extemporaneous insertions.

One: people searching for “naked locker room” on the internet are accidentally being sent to the tale of my dying grandmother and her bathroom problems.  This must be poetic justice for a conservative (though not prudish) woman.

Two: I think last night was the only day of my life in which I sat and pondered how Jesse Jackson was feeling.  Whenever there is some bright spotlight, I always imagine the person in the shadows.  This is why I don’t really enjoy sports.  Even if “my” team wins, I’m thinking about what it’s like to be in the losing locker room, in the shadows. 

Mr. Jackson and I don’t have a whole lot in common (other than political leanings).  But as I was doing not much of anything last night in my yellow gold attic bedroom, I thought: Jesse Jackson must be freaked out.  And I am freaked out.  He thinks we’re going to have a black president tomorrow.  So do I.  I think we’re both terribly pleased, but my awe is overshadowing my pleasure thus far. 

Driving to work this morning, I drove past two polling places in largely African-American neighborhoods, and both had lines stretching far out the door.  I tried not to burst into tears at this.  It’s going to be a long day, and there won’t be time to burst into tears over and over again.  I also tried to find an appropriate song to listen to.  It wasn’t perfect, but I settled on “As,” Stevie Wonder.  Not political, but upbeat.  It’s one of my favorite love songs because it’s not like “I love you, sexy baby,” it’s like, “I’ll love for forever [although our love might change completely and we’ll have to be just friends or you might get a terrible disease and I’ll have to lock you in the attic]”, which strikes me as a more honest kind of love. 

I wish the whole thing was over.  Seeing the lines gave me a surge of certainty that this is our day.  Then I think of the Kerry year again, and I cringe. 

I wondered, probably along with Jesse Jackson, if there would be protests…riots… if (heaven forbid) Obama lost.  On the radio they reported that The Authorities are preparing for such a possibility.  Shiver. 

My students need to leave today thinking I could vote for John McCain.  I think I have done a reasonable job of maintaining neutrality.  However, I do have an Obama sticker on my car, and there is sometimes discussion of this.  I guess I should say, “Who put an Obama sticker on my car?  And who put that Kerry sticker underneath it?  Gosh darn it!” 

I hope that tomorrow morning is the first day of something different for my kids here.  I am certainly politically aligned with Obama– I’m not voting for him based on his race– but it is a delicious bonus that he can heal wounds that we have wasted years and years reopening (to maintain a “safe” discussion of race and avoid an awkward discussion of class).  Even better, he can push people who are disenfranchised to accept that progress is possible.

Special thanks today to the little dog Jo, wherever you are, naked or dressed.

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