Where I’m From

*Note: this writing reflects nothing on actual, true-life Schurmans, and their actual “issues,” as I solely lay claim to said “issues,” and all the other Schurmans are wonderful people who have generously tolerated both my serious and my flippant remarks for 33 years. All genealogical information is based on my sloppy and cursory clicking through Ancestry.com. The Schurmans certainly did not come over on the Mayflower– they came from Amsterdam some time later. It is true that many Schurmans remain in Canada, while I am descended from those who returned to America, obviously because they realized how awesome the colonies turned out to be, or (more likely) because they were not laid back enough to make it as Canadians.

The Whistle

I’m going to take a couple of risks here: ranting about how other people should raise their children (bearing in mind that I have no children, to make it even juicier), and writing about a rerun on television. Today Oprah’s show reran a feature on a 7-year-old girl who has been diagnosed with schizophrenia. This […]

Death Becomes Him

The week before Michael Jackson died, I bought “Say Say Say” from iTunes. To be honest, this was a coincidence: I was in a cheesy-former-Beatles mood, and not on a Michael Jackson bender. However, I have all my life felt obligated to turn Michael Jackson jokes around with, “Okay, but he made some great dance […]

Teachers and Undertakers

I was not invited to the economic meltdown. I went to work in a field with little prospect for financial advancement and infinite job security. (Teachers and undertakers remained solvent during the Great Depression. I’m the former.) Even worse: I didn’t invest. My only retirement savings has been through the state pension fund. I own my car, and […]